Bonds of Iron

Support for men struggling with same-sex attraction

The Purpose of Bonds of Iron

The primary goal of Bonds of Iron is to re-socialize the man struggling with SSA into the world of men and masculinity. This is a world that he, through no fault of his own, has isolated himself from and consequently believes the lie that he is different than other men.

Research and experiences have found that mentoring relationships have been extremely beneficial for men who wish to diminish SSA. In every male’s life, there is the need for a mentor. The man struggling with SSA will most likely deny himself healthy relationships with straight men because he doesn’t know how to relate to them and he is afraid of being “found out.” In joining with a male mentor non-sexually, the struggler will be challenged to his very core that he is not different, and in fact, has many commonalities with straight men.

Information about SSA

Same Sex Attraction is not a sexual issue at all. It is a relational issue. Staying in isolation due to this “shameful secret” will not promote healing. Healing will manifest itself through relationships with straight, godly men and a commitment to Jesus Christ through a prolific prayer life and by devotion to God’s Word.

What causes SSA in men?

The prevalent cause of homosexuality in men is due to what John Eldredge calls a “father wound” in his book, Wild at Heart. A more clinical definition is to say that a man has a homo-emotional wound. This wound is developed by a deficiency in the boy’s relationship with the father or father figure. These deficiencies can take many different forms such as an absent, passive, or abusive father figure. Every one of us has what is called homo-emotional needs, which are God-given needs to be accepted by our same-sex peers. For men struggling with SSA, these needs were not properly met.

Andrew Comisky, author of Pursuing Sexual Wholeness says that, in the majority of his clients, “gay sex wasn’t really the motivating factor in their homosexual pursuits, while same-sex intimacy was and, therefore, reflected an emotional need as opposed to an erotic one.”

Jeff Konrad explains that homosexual acting out is really just a reparative drive to fulfill unmet needs. In his book, You Don’t Have to be Gay, he says “your ‘homo-sexual’ drive is actually an innate, proper drive to correct homo-emotional deficiencies. This homo-emotional drive is a God-given drive, so to speak, a reparative function built within the human mechanism so it can right itself. It pulls you toward other guys to fulfill your homo-emotional needs, but not on a sexual level. Instead of meeting this need in a legitimate, non-erotic way, the confused male acts upon these impulses through sexual expression.”

Want help with your struggle with SSA? Email Bonds of Iron, or call the hotline at 330.315.5439 and leave a message. Both are confidential.

Listen to talks from the “Rediscovering the Masculine Soul” conference that addressed SSA Saturday, October 18, 2008.

Part 1: Justin Kimmel, Dr. Misja part 1 and the notes

Part 2: Dr. Misja part 2 and the notes

Part 3: Pastor Mike Castelli and the notes

View our For the Overcomer document.

View a list of resources used for this page.